I do get that January 1st is another day on the calendar, but I have never been able to see it as, just another day. I believe that our brains need mental “reset” buttons in life; markers that allow the brain to let go of old patterns and habits and start again renewed. It’s just the way we are hard-wired. These dates can vary from person to person, and for me the major reset days are: my birthday, the first and the 15th of the month, every Monday, the first day of school, the last day of school and January 1st. These dates are arbitrary and they work for me because they signal a finite beginning and / or end to a period of time. If you also rely on dates for resetting yours may be different.
These dates are great because my brain looks forward to a FRESH START!
The problem is, emotionally, mentally and circumstantially the rest of me isn’t always ready to play along. When that happens, as it did this past January 1st, the brain trips the panic switch and starts sending out signals like, “This is bad! Very, very bad!”
I learned a long time ago that I don’t have to sit in pain. In fact, if something comes up that is really difficult for me I give myself a “wallowing” time period to sit in IT and be done. What I can also tell you is that I don’t generally have to wallow on my reset days — my brain is hardwired to see the positive, start fresh and move forward.
Except this past January 1st didn’t quite go that way and I was really resistant to allowing myself to sit in it! I want to “fix it” move on and get on with life — positively. It was January 1st — my biggest reset day of the year! I DID NOT WANT ANYTHING TO MESS WITH IT!
After the resistance didn’t work I sat in IT! IT is always whatever is going on that feels yucky. I cried for 2 hours straight. Why? I think I invested a lot of energy into feeling different on the first day of this year. I have so many facets of my life that I am changing and I wanted evidence that those changes were occurring. When I woke up and almost immediately got into a tiff with my husband it made me feel like my reset wasn’t working. My parents would say, “Same shit different day!” I never liked the energy behind that phrase!
By the sitting in IT! And, ultimately talking with my sister, I got to a new perspective on everything and then, I sat in THAT! Ahhhh, there it is, the moment of reset. I didn’t start the day that way, but it did end with that feeling of a clean slate.
My point? Sometimes we are in such a hurry to move through the pain, discomfort and yuck that we miss the opportunity to feel the fullness of what is going on. Sitting in IT is extremely uncomfortable, particularly for those of us who have learned that pain and discomfort are largely a choice. Sometimes, we have to choose to sit in IT and listen to the pain; because only once we truly understand it can we heal it and reset.