Life is a series of choices, and every choice we have ever made has brought us to where we stand today. For some that is cause for celebration. For others it causes paralyzing fear that prevents them from making a “conscious” choice. But here’s what I know for sure: In every moment we are making choices; even in the act of not choosing we are choosing.
Why then do we so often leave our choices up to “fate”? I believe it’s a combination of factors ranging from not trusting oneself to being afraid of making a wrong choice. Abraham-Hicks talks about life being like a buffet: You approach the buffet, choose your items, try them and then go back for whatever it is you loved. So often, because of collective consciousness and our own belief systems, we go back complaining about the items we didn’t enjoy and choosing them again anyway. Or, more to the point, we stand there in line refusing to choose anything, waiting instead for someone to just put something on our plate for us. That almost never works well. Think about it, would you go to a restaurant and look at the waiter and say, “Just bring me whatever you think I will like”? NO! You go to the restaurant, make a choice and try it out. You might not like it but you won’t likely choose it again, at least not at that restaurant.
I’ve come to notice that there are several different types of people in that buffet line in life and I’m going to spend the next few days highlighting some of the options we have. None are right or wrong, but each brings with it a set of natural consequences. If you identify with any (or many) of these hypothetical people it doesn’t make you inferior in any way, but you must choose if it’s still who you want to be!
Person 1 understands that there are lots of different choices. She stands back and looks at the entire buffet, has her favorites and those that she knows after experience to avoid. Unfortunately, however, she has had the experience of taking an item only to find that it’s presentation did not match it’s flavor which was bitter or sour. Now she trusts none of the items and, in fact, will frequently go back to items she knows she doesn’t like because they are familiar. In her mind, this is better than choosing a new item and feeling duped again. Many times she has been known to choose new items only to have been “fooled” again by appearances. Even her friends are stumped as to why she continues to live a life that it slightly out of alignment of her global and mostly positive attitude.
It’s the devil you know over the one you don’t, and knowing you’re going to be disappointed is much easier to deal with, she thinks, than feeling let down over and over again. The most frustrating piece for Person 1 is that she is well aware that there are better choices. She sees people every day who are in love with their choices and who are having a great experience. She feels like they must have something she doesn’t; some skill, some inside information, some luck that she doesn’t, for rarely is her choice sweet and thoroughly enjoyable.
Resolution: Just Choose It
How many people can identify with this person? She needs to choose differently it’s that simple. The great news is this person KNOWS there are other choices to be made. Feeling like they are out of her reach could be due to conditioning, habit, beliefs…. In truth, she is constantly getting sour or bitter experiences because it’s what she expects and it’s what she is most afraid of. Because we attract into our experience whatever it is we are focusing on (consciously and subconsciously) we get more and more of it!
“I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it’s only a choice of attitude.” –anonymous
We have to be willing to choose differently and to move forward with faith in our heart that it will be different, it will be what we’ve chosen. Many times, we also need support. If you are having trouble choosing differently it’s because you have soft-wired yourself to do so. It’s a little like a computer stuck in a non-performing loop — sometimes a human has to come along and reboot it. Well, Person 1 may need some help with the reboot. This could mean therapy, prayer, coaching, a support group, a change of scenery or even just coffee with a good friend. Whatever it is, Person 1 will be far more successful if they have support!
Case in point: Six months ago I decided to move from California to Northern Virginia. I was so sure this was right that within four days of listing our house with an agent it sold. Ten days later the buyers changed their minds. I had a little bit of that buffet line attitude that everything in life is a bit sour, even the good stuff. From the point at which the potential buyers backed out forward I used their indecision as a crutch for confirming my attitude. I wanted it to be different. I even knew in my soul that it could be different. I absolutely believe that we get to choose the direction our path flows in. Though I still wanted to move, my energy had shifted to one of needing evidence, first, that it could/would happen and that it was the “right” choice for my family. It took me six months to change my attitude and I needed help once I made that firm choice. I called in someone to help me really shift –she gave me a blessing for the house — and since then we’ve had a lot of activity on the house and suggestions for changes that will make it more palatable to buyers. It was a change in attitude. I needed to shift my perspective desperately and since doing that everything is more clear!
So if you are finding yourself stuck, at a cross-roads, constantly making the same kinds of choices, try choosing differently and make certain that someone is there to help you reboot if necessary!