Tonight I was watching “Minority Report” on TV and, at the very end, after all of the trauma that the main character had been through they show you a cameo of him starting his life anew. There was something in that scene that really touched me. Actually, it was the moment when he put his hand lovingly on his pregnant wife’s belly and there was a level of appreciation and love and gratitude for the new start that was conveyed in that shot…way to go Hollywood! My first thought was, “I never had that.”
Don’t get me wrong, my husband loves me and loved me when I was pregnant–that’s not it! Appreciation for life has been missing from my life since almost forever. Trauma has been the hallmark of my life since birth. Whether it was illness, family woes or more illness or the illness of my own children or lost jobs, unpaid bills…whatever the trauma was at any given moment. I realized tonight that I am still fighting that good fight, but at almost 41 years old I am not enjoying my life AT ALL! Instead I keep identifying what isn’t working and then I focus on that (more on why this doesn’t make things better in a later post).
I frequently look at other people, including my own friends, family and husband, and think, “How much more of this are you going to have to go through before you get it.” I see them ill, struggling, unhappy and, once again, I see how many mirrors have been in front of me all along.
I’m finally in a place physically that feels like home, having just moved across the country with my family. I love my new town, the rental home is a wonderful starting place and lots of opportunities are coming my way. The situation currently occupying my, this sucks portion of my brain is that, of my own choosing, I have left my entrepreneurial businesses that allowed me to be mostly a stay at home mom for the last 15 years. Why? It was time and I am tired of chasing business. For over 15 years I have worked 24/7, so even though I was physically home for my kids I have not been fully mentally or emotionally home for my kids in the way that I wanted to be. I’m quick, intelligent and I present well, so when I go to a temporary agency I get jobs quickly; so I was not surprised when two days after signing up with a large firm in my new hometown they had work for me — several opportunities actually.
As it stands now, I am working as an Executive Assistant at a global company. Not the non-profit or managerial position I had in mind. I’ve been moaning about this internally (and a little bit externally) since taking the job. Trying with all of my might to be grateful, but in my heart it’s not where I want to be.
But what I realized tonight is, part of the reason I don’t like it is that I am still fighting that fight. Instead of living NOW and focusing on what I want, I’m scrambling for something in the future….vacation, time with my family, money, security….whatever that “thing” is. Here’s the thing…when I’m worried about what I will do tomorrow or a week from now or two years from now I cannot –CANNOT — assess what is going on now or how I feel about it. If I cannot accurately assess what is going on now, then I judge it and don’t accurately let my heart choose what it wants. If my brain is trying to figure out what I will want or need at some future point my heart cannot feel what it needs to right now — nor can I tell the Universe what I really want TODAY. I cannot decide what is best right now….and lets face it, we only have right now for certain.
I do believe with all of my heart that if I live in the now. If I let my heart guide me now. If I choose how I want to feel NOW, then the future it easy, because it’s all based on now. And people who live presently tend to have pretty good futures. The essence of our being knows not only what we need now but what we are most likely to need in the future, so decisions made from the heart build on one another and create a future that is full of love and joy and freedom and abundance of all good things.
4 Simple Ways to Live NOW
- Start every day with intention — Make a conscious choice every day about how you want your day to feel.
- Surround yourself with people and things that help you stay in your heart. When most of your decisions are made from your heart you will find that you are happier and you create more of what you really want.
- At the end of every day focus on what went well, not the things that bugged you. You will be happier, you will create more of those things and people will want to be around your positive personality.
- Be patient, the Universe is in constant motion and everything you say you want is flowing towards you.